Or how about a friend that you had that was so annoying but he always invited you to go to cool places like sports events or concerts. Our book states that communication is motivated by our basic social need for affiliation, achievement, and control. If we didn't have any other friends would we continue to keep them as a friend?
Do we look at our current friendships and evaluate them based on what our needs are? Do we only call certain friends for certain occasions or ask them certain questions?
3 comments:
Comparison Level was interesting it said that we weigh the benefits and drawbacks to being friends with someone. I realize I do this to some extent with my own relationships. Sometimes being friends with someone brings more pain then joy, if that was the case with one of my friends and I thought it wouldn't change I probably wouldnt continue to interact with that person.
I don`t evaluate my friendship with my needs, especially, financial. Some of my friends and I don`t contact each other for long time, but when we call each other in sometime, we still talk a lot and understand each other`s thinking. I think that friendship is more caring and supporting each other. I know that some friends make people feel pain more than joy. For me, if I have this kind of situation, I`ll cut the friendship. We don`t have choice for your parents and family, but we have choice for friends. I don`t want my friends me feel pain more than joy. It`s a way to protect myself.
I found the examples you brought up interesting and realistic. A lot of times, it's not so much a matter or joy or pain, but a matter of tolerance. I absolute judge my relationships based on needs, especially work relationships. If my superior is rude to me, it would be very different than if it were one of my colleagues. With my superior, the cost of being a little "butt-hurt" is much less important to me than promotion. With personal relationships, I do keep some needs in mind, but very different ones. I need to know this person cares about my feelings, values our friendship, and isn't using me. While we may not realize that all of our relationships involve needs, they do.
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